So Tell Me How It Should Be
by Dautr abr du Sundavar
Summary: Songfic to Breaking Benjamin's "The Diary of Jane" and sort of a sequel to "My Immortal Love." Gilan and Will are angsting together over coffee, with revelations and musings alike making appearances. Rated for Dark!Will and Dark!Gilan. Please Read&Review!


**A/N: I have been working on this for WEEKS, and until last night, all I had was up to the story bit before the first chorus. And THEN..._THEN_ my muses all started screaming at me over the music I had playing (apparently Swedish dance music and Breaking Benjamin are great inspiration! Whoda thunk it ^&^), and I swear it was like my keyboard was on fire. O_O I KNOWS! :D**

**Anywhos...**

**This story is sort of a sequel to "My Immortal Love" (as I said in the summary xP). Yes, it's a Gilan/Jenny pairing, but honestly, I'm not sure if I like that shipping or not. I'll support it, at least for now, but I'm not sure if it's what I would choose – you know? Probably not. But whatevs. ^&^**

**Disclaimer: Only John Flanagan owns the Ranger's Apprentice series, and the song "The Diary of Jane" - which is the song I used – is owned by Breaking Benjamin. I'm neither. ^&^

* * *

**

_If I had to  
I would put myself right beside you  
So let me ask  
Would you like that?  
Would you like that?_

Gilan sighed over his coffee. "I don't know, Will," he said morosely. "I mean, I know it was _months_ ago, but still..."

Will nodded wisely, and more than a little sadly. "I know what you mean." He smiled, though it was far from an expression of happiness. "I'm still not over Al-Alyss..." He choked up and trailed off as he said her name, lowering his gaze to his own coffee cup. After a few seconds, he lifted his eyes to Gilan's and smirked. "See?" he said, his wavering voice at odds with his sardonic expression.

_And I don't mind  
If you say this love is the last time  
So now I'll ask  
Do you like that?  
Do you like that?_

Gilan smiled in turn, then sighed heavily once more. "I know, but...it's fresh, you know? I mean, you...you've sort of blocked it off from your memory." When Will started to protest, Gilan interrupted, "Don't deny it – I've seen you. The way you kind of freeze up around Pauline – who, let's face it, looks enough like Alyss to be her mother-" that wrung a brief smile out of Will- "and the way you sort of go blank-faced whenever you have to work with a Courier. You, my friend-" he pointed mock-sternly at Will- "are in the Land of Denial."

_Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be_

Will smiled again, sadly this time. "Want to join me?" he asked. "It's lovely this time of year."

Gilan sort of half-chuckled. "I suppose...if you think it'll help."

Will sighed heavily. "I don't know, Gilan," he whispered to his now-empty coffee mug. "I just don't know."

_Try to find out what makes you tick  
As I lie down  
Sore and sick  
Do you like that?  
Do you like that?_

The two Rangers stared morosely into their coffee mugs for a few minutes, until Gilan suddenly started laughing humorlessly. Will just stared at him as though he had lost his senses.

Gilan caught the look, and said through his grin, "Here we are, quite possibly two of the generally cheeriest Rangers, and we're crying over coffee."

Will grinned in turn and held his own mug upside-down. "Well, over coffee mugs, anyway."

Gilan's smile widened, but then faded as he sighed. "We do have a good reason, though," he said quietly.

Will reached across the table and punched him on the arm. "You just _had_ to go and say that, didn't you?" he said.

"Yeah," Gilan sighed, absently rubbing his arm. He reflected that heartbroken people seemed to do a lot of sighing. Maybe it was because the brokenness of their hearts took up space in their chests that was usually occupied by lungs, and so they needed to sigh in order to get more air. Or maybe it was because the subconsciously wanted to hyperventilate and so pass out and so not have to think about anything – especially not their heartbreak.

_And I don't mind  
If you say this love is the last time  
Just let me say that I like that  
I like that_

"You know what, Will?" Gilan said. The younger Ranger looked at him questioningly. "I think that if I never, ever, ever love again, that'll be perfectly fine. You know?"

Will sighed. Gilan wondered which of his theories was being used, if either. "Yeah," Will said. "I do."

_Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
As I burn another page  
As I look the other way  
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be_

"And you know the worst part?" Gilan said, half to himself.

"What's that?" Will asked.

Gilan looked up, meeting Will's eyes with his own pain-filled ones. "I don't even know if she felt the same way."

_Desperate, I will crawl  
Waiting for so long  
No love, there is no love  
Die for anyone  
What have I become_

Will's eyes widened. "Gilan..." he whispered hoarsely. He cleared his throat. "Of course she did," he said, more clearly this time. "You should have seen her, Gil – the way she talked about you...Horace said it reminded him of how Alyss used to talk about me." He dropped his eyes.

Gilan thought about that statement, and about what it must have cost Will to say it. He reached across the table and clasped Will's shoulder, waiting for him to look up again. "Thank you, Will," he said when he did.

Will gave Gilan a slightly unsteady smile in answer.

_Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
As I burn another page  
As I look the other way  
I still try to find my place  
In the diary of Jane_

Later that night, after Will left, Gilan meticulously copied every single letter Jenny had ever written to him, even going so far as trying to copy her handwriting. He then placed them in the fireplace, slotting them into the spaces between the logs, and lit the fire.

He sat there long after the letters were finished burning, tears streaming down his face. "Oh, Jenny," he finally whispered, burying his face in his hands. "Why didn't you say anything while you could?"

* * *

**A/N: Before anyone starts freaking out over how the lyrics are different, there are two versions of this song. The full band version sounds kinda angry to me, so I wrote this to the acoustic version – which is all piano and strings and a sorta high-voiced man harmonizing with Ben. The lyrics are slightly different, which is pretty much the only difference it makes as far as this fic is concerned. ^&^**

**Please review! Reviews make me happy! And if I'm happy, I'll write more stories! Okay, honestly, my story-writing has nothing to do with my emotions most of the time. Unless I'm mad about something that happened in a story/TV show and want to fanfix it. ^&^ (Doctor Who fans can see my story "Mary-Sue Saves the Day" for proof of this. x])**

**And see, Wolf? _ANGST_. I _DEFY_ you in my angst-ness. ^&^**

**That was a lot of ^&^s...lolz**

**EDITED TO ADD: Okay, it seems a lot of people are confused about this, so I'll clear it up here. Yes, Jenny and Alyss are both dead. The how isn't important, just that it happened. Mmkay? ^&^  
**


End file.
